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| ♥"I carry your picture in my purple folder,
I love watching you looking over my shoulder"♥
(We are expecting to reprint. If you are interested, please contact us.)
"saint grandma" was my first self-published book of poems in 2005 about my beautiful relationship with my maternal grandmother. I wrote it for the simple reason of, "I love my grandma." ♥
She led a tragic life during WWII, but she never lost her amazing spirit of survival long after the war came to an end. She always remained true to herself and dedicated the rest of her life to loving her family unconditionally, until one September morning in 2001 when she quietly slipped into heaven. ♥
So I decided to write to her and brought her spirit back home to me forever. It was truly the greatest sense of healing I had ever experienced and it is dedicated to everyone who has ever lost a loved one. ♥
Tatyana Ratsimor
4.5.1910 - 9.29.2001
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Dear Grandma
"I love you and I miss you more than words can say,
but I honor your sweet spirit every single day."
♥♥♥♥♥
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∞
Little Whispers
I remember your life
In so many ways
Filled with sad
And scary days
The Russian nights
Were very cruel
Putting food on the table
Was like fighting a duel
With barely much help
You had to be bold
When raising three kids
Alone in the cold
You lost your mom
When you were five
But it hardly affected
Your tragic life
Your mother's name
Was always a mystery
But it will go down
As a piece of our history
Your father's heart
Gave out from the sound
Of a screaming siren
He collapsed to the ground
You lost your husband
In 1942
The word came by mail
During World War II
My mom never met him
He went off to fight
And never came home
That one dreadful night
The thought of Hitler
And the millions of lives
Led you to break out
In big ugly hives
Completely alive
He buried your sisters
At night you spoke
In little whispers
The soil was screaming
From the people beneath
It lasted for hours
They could not breathe
You were so young
Yet you survived
Some nights mom watched
Alone how you cried
You'd say a prayer
For all who had fallen
Their lives were taken
And unfairly stolen
I'd listen to all
Of your scary stories
Then I'd run in my room
From all of your worries
I wish I could hear
Those words once more
I'd run every marathon
And do every chore
I was almost not born
But I'm glad I was
Unlike those chambers
Filled with people and gas
Where did you find
Such will and power
To still love yourself
And never turn sour
You lived with hope
Every day of your life
That four-letter word
Had helped you survive
Not a single ounce
Of you turned bitter
Instead your smile
Turned to rainbows of glitter
With double hearts
And gleaming halos
How did you do it
God only knows
∞
Under Your Light
As I wrap my ribbons
And tuck them in tight
When I stand on my feet
It's grandma's night
You have been
A woman so true
When I stand on my toes
I am thinking of you
You were the one
Who taught me to sew
I am back in ballet
At the studio
My dancing feet
Have cuts and ties
But my heart is a knot
And my tutu cries
I know you still
Can watch me prance
The ballet mirror
Has your trance
A simple magic
You hold tight
Because I spin
Under your light
∞
♥ Ladybugs ♥
I sense a magic
In the air
And nights like this
Are very rare ♥
I quietly enter
Wearing my sandals
Looking around
At all of the candles ♥
I see a statue
Of St. Mary
Explaining to her
This burden I carry ♥
I take a seat
Then start to kneel
Folding down
A bench with steel ♥
I bow my head
And close my eyes
I feel a spirit
Start to rise ♥
Beyond the windows
Stained on glass
And candleholders
Made with brass ♥
Through the floor
With a Grecian column
And wooden benches
With oaths of solemn ♥
Under the paintings
On the ceiling
I can't believe it
I have started healing ♥
I'm a kid again
In a candy store
Can't get enough
I still need more ♥
I want it all
To touch and feel
Tonight my grandma
Feels so real ♥
But the chandelier
Has a beautiful light
As I raise my head
She is standing upright ♥
We run to give
Each other hugs
And fly away
Like ladybugs ♥
∞
(Thoughts)
You've been my rhythm
My musical note
Your love dressed me in
The warmest coat
But it's freezing cold now
What can I do
Dress warm alone
And think of you
∞
Wish I could see you one more day
I'd bring you flowers every day
∞
This is for you grandma
I hear you from the sky
It is clear and blue and sunny
You're my reason why
∞
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Rainbows of Love
Your genuine love
Has been my friendship
Your faithful heart
Has cured every hardship
You sheltered me
From a world so tough
And colored my life
With rainbows of love
You always taught me
The right way to paint
You showed me how
To live like a saint
But you didn't teach me
About letting you go
You forgot that part
So I'm letting you know
∞
Laughter
You were the best
At telling jokes
The two of us
Were happy folks
You were my pal
When we hung around
I'd laugh so hard
Falling to the ground
Our laughter carried
Down the hall
Penetrating
Every wall
You'd tell a story
I'd laugh so loud
Like a lightning bolt
Had struck a cloud
Forgetting our cares
We were having fun
Solar energy
Was our gift from the sun
Your humor has been
My perfect world
I'd watch you laugh
You were just a girl
Like a little child
You'd giggle and say,
"We are all kids at heart
In a special way"
∞
Take Me to a Place
Take me to a place
Where there are no storms
Take me to a place
Where happiness forms
Take me to a place
Where the sky has no clouds
Take me to a place
Where love has no doubts
Take me to a place
Where bad weather won't be
Take me to a place
Where family's key
Take me to a place
Where the sun cannot burn
Take me to my grandma
And I'll never return
∞
My Teacher
My grandma taught me
Right from wrong
I live my life
Based on her song
During tragedies
I will survive
My grandma taught me
About her life
No matter what
I will persevere
My grandma taught me
Not to fear
Being good
Is all I know
Because my grandma
Taught me so
∞
My Compass
There's a little something
I cannot unwind
I'd like you to help
With the tape of my mind
I am lost in a fog
There is no one around
As I crawl on my knees
On life's dirty ground
I know I can push
My way through this mist
And fight against
Life's angry fist
I will find it again
My grandma's home
You're my compass within
I am never alone
∞
Flood
I look at your picture
Where you hang in bliss
On my lonely fridge
It is you I miss
I pull it open
Take out the cream
The cold air hits me
It is not a dream
I stare at your photo
Then break down crying
Taking a breath
Slowly sighing
I scratch my eyes
Which are beet red
Thinking, "How many tears
Today will I shed"
I sit down to think
They won't stop rolling
All over the table
My heart is drowning
The kitchen is soaked
Like there was a flood
I've cried more tears
Than I have blood
It is overflowing
I need a mop
As I start to clean
To the floor I drop
I lie there helpless
Weak on the ground
Desperate to hear
From you a sound
I close my eyes
And take a nap
Slowly slipping
Into a mental gap
My strength is gone
My soul is sore
My heart is broke
An empty pore
Crushing pain
Not something I chose
It has rained in here
My tears were the hose
I stand on my feet
It is half past five
There is too much water
As I quietly dive
∞
(Thoughts)
Even though we are living
Two worlds apart
You will always be
My world in my heart
∞
No matter what I choose to do
No matter where I go
I believe in you the most
Because I love you so
∞
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A Reminder of You
Red itchy hives
Sour cream and chives
Holocaust lives
A reminder of you
A morning sunrise
A sweet surprise
A mother cries
A reminder of you
The Ukraine
A walking cane
Heaven's gain
A reminder of you
Ballet prances
Poem stanzas
Second chances
A reminder of you
A green pasture
The sound of laughter
Happily ever after
A reminder of you
A hot summer day
A lazy Sunday
Oy vey
A reminder of you
The liberty bell
A wishing well
Saying "farewell"
A reminder of you
A little grandma
Named Tatyana
I will love her
Till forever
∞
♥ Gift from God ♥
♥Having a grandma is the greatest guide
♥Having a grandma is the safest support
♥Having a grandma means humongous hugs
♥Having a grandma means living with love
♥Having a grandma was my gift from above
∞
My Cure
I have called you a star
I have called you a girl
I have called you an angel
I miss my world
I've compared you to rainbows
I've compared you to trees
I've compared you to flowers
I've been on my knees
My love is my cure
My love is my pain
My love is my love
My mind is insane
I will publish this book
I will publish ten more
I will publish your heart
I can't wait anymore
For all people to read
For all people to share
For all people to know
For my grandma I care
∞
Running Home to You
I bring your picture every day
When I am going to ballet
Upon returning home at night
I see your smile and start to write
If I'm alone and need a guide
I know your picture is by my side
But when I'm out and feeling blue
I just come running home to you
∞
My Baby Girl
I know you know
Wherever I go
I love you so
My baby girl
Like a quiet mouse
Weighing an ounce
Living in my house
My baby girl
Every day and night
When I shut off my light
Your picture shines bright
My baby girl
I get down on one knee
That is how it will be
For this world to see
My baby girl
∞
My Beginning
I'm in the ocean
All alone
The water's frozen
Solid stone
From too much cold
No one's around
I try to scream
But there's no sound
At least I'm not
Inside a cell
With prisoners
To hear me yell
I'll find the shore
To my beginning
Grandma's with me
I'll be winning
∞
♥ Grandma's Gems ♥
Back then ♥
I could not understand
When you put stones
Inside my hand
They were always ♥
Colored blue
What they meant
I had no clue
Some were small ♥
Like tiny currants
Yet they felt
Like little presents
I held them tight ♥
Inside my fist
Now I write
My secret list
You taught me how ♥
To take a nap
Your guiding heart
Has been my map
Your gratitude ♥
Left me inspired
You put me first
You were never tired
You used to love ♥
To brush my hair
While sitting in
Your rocking chair
You'd play with my ♥
Banana curls
Your eyes were my
Two perfect pearls
You showered me ♥
With precious gems
In gardens filled
With crystal stems
Then covered me ♥
With priceless diamonds
In your forests
Filled with emeralds
My house will always ♥
Be your home
Your heart has been
My rarest stone
But in my heart ♥
Live blazing fires
I simply saved
All your sapphires
I was too young ♥
To realize
Your stones were love
To my surprise
∞
(Thoughts)
Forever grandma in my heart
You and I will never part
∞
♥ Always say "Hi" to grandma ♥
∞
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